ICANN hires superhero to resolve its political problems

ICANN was formed as an innovative governance organization and today it lived up to that reputation, announcing that it had hired a superhero as its new CEO.

Although it claimed that its new leader was an ordinary man named Rod Beckstrom, those in the know realize that the new CEO is really Aquaman, the Super Friend who frequents the Hall of Justice. These side-by-side photos of Aquaman and the purported “Mr. Beckstrom” make the connection clear…

Aquaman, circa 2000 aka "Mr. Beckstrom"

Aquaman, who under the guise of his secret human identity has co-authored the widely read book, “The Starfish and the Spider” on decentralized, leaderless organizations as well as served as the first director of National Cyber Security Center at the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, will be ICANN's third CEO, and first executive officer able to breathe underwater.

“Aquaman will be joining ICANN at a critical time in its history,” said members of the Board Search Committee. In its recommendation, the BSC noted while Aquaman was new to ICANN and its processes, it was his unique ability to telepathically communicate with sea life as the factor “that set this candidate apart from the rest of the field.”

According to Wikipedia, “the range of this power is unclear; certainly he can summon sea life from vast distances. Although this power is most often and most easily used on marine life, Aquaman has on multiple occasions demonstrated the capacity to affect any being that lives upon the sea (e.g. sea eagles), or even any being evolved from marine life (e.g., humans).” “It is uncertain that this capability will translate to the numerous creatures that are involved in ICANN,” the BSC stated, “but as the organization continues to reach its tentacles into new areas of global Internet governance like cyber security, it seemed likely to be useful.”

When asked about her former colleague, fellow superhero Wonder Woman remarked, “ICANN could not have made a better choice. A.M. has entrepreneurial roots and an innovative spirit that will lend itself to the Internet community.” Outgoing CEO, Paul Twomey, who was treated like shark bait at a Congressional hearing earlier this month was less sanguine. “As the “lord of the sea-creatures,” Aquaman is obviously talented, but he'll have his work cut out for him. Congress is going to expect an American superhero to act appropriately.”

Aquaman made the rounds during the Sydney meeting this week, where event planners busily reworked the originally planned gala menu of fish and chips to include small token chocolate starfishes in celebration of the new CEO.

[ 😉 All kidding aside, welcome to the ICANN community Mr. Beckstrom. We wish you the best of luck.]

One comment

  1. Anonymous

    Hilarious.
    Thanks for the much needed humor!
    gurgle, gurgle…
    and thanks for the well wishes 🙂
    Rod